Kenzie,
thank you for inviting me to your birthday celebration, yesterday. The gift that you gave me was incredible! I was so surprised! You shouldn’t have! It was too much! I really wish that you hadn’t, the cost was
too dear, the price was too high, but you paid it, and I can never, ever, begin
to repay you, or pay it forward fully.
It
is a marvelous, wonderful gift, because for the first time in over forty years,
I felt true emotions inside my soul, emotions other than anger and rage, which
are my usual companions. Oh sure, I have
felt happiness and pain during all those long empty years, but they were fleeting,
shallow, temporary, outside emotions; pale imitations only, not true emotions, which
twist your heart and tear at your soul, or make you catch your breath in joy
and wonder.
You
see Kenzie, to survive, I long ago learned to build walls, high and strong, and
to bury myself within them, and to harden my skin into armor, because the world
is such a hard place, it is not kind and has little time or patience for
sensitive souls, who feel too much, and so I became numb, and felt nothing, or
at the best, very little.
But
you came and kicked in the doors, and you tore open the walls, and shredded my
armor, and for the first time in decades, I felt sadness, loss, and pain. Thank you, it felt truly awful, but I FELT! I felt sorrow, I felt pain, and I cried for only
the fifth time since I was ten. It is
such an amazing, incredible, and miraculous gift that you have given me;
because I felt, I feel, I am not just numb!
A
simple “thank you” is too little, too insignificant, in comparison to the all
that you have given. All I can do is promise
you that I won’t rebuild the walls, or repair the doors, that I will stop
hiding inside my shattered walls, that I won’t put on my armor, that I will keep
on feeling, even when it hurts, that I won’t let myself become numb again. So, thank you and you have my promise.
Oh,
and thank you for the birthday cake, it was delicious!
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